You are not over reacting. Nothing he is doing is even close to normal behavior or acceptable of a husband. That is a stark reality that many of us miss. I found myself completely isolated. We (I) had no friends. Not one. I never ever saw normal relationships. It was just him and I. I spent one week with xah around another couple in a normal healthy relationship and she said one sentence and between the two - all the walls of denial came crashing down.
It is a form of crazy making and then we lose trust in ourselves and our perceptions.
Only you know where your bottom is. Your behavior is not healthy either. I would strongly suggest that you just get away from him for awhile. Find a sane and peaceful spot to think. You don't have to make life long decisions - just get some breathing space -- and a counselor. You need some clarity and you will never find clarity as long as you are in this dance. The dance keeps you spinning and dizzy.