Originally Posted by
transformyself 
The only way to feel better is to get away from him.
I'm going to go way far out on the limb here. Maybe I have no business saying this because my viewpoint is from that of an alcoholic, not the spouse. Compared to the insanity described by the original post, alcoholism is a relatively minor problem.
And I don't mean the insanity displayed by the alcoholic husband in this case. That's insane for sure. But equally insane are the behaviors described by Lotus herself.
And I know that's not what she wants to hear. But if she truly wants to feel better, it's probably going to take a lot more than getting away from him. It's probably going to take putting the focus right back on Lotus and recovering from her own insanity.
The last thing she needs is someone telling her it's all his fault and things will all be better if she just gets away from him.