Lotus, Lotus,
What has happened matters not in the big scheme of things.
This really sounds like major manipulation on his part to make you crazy.
I will admit my own bias here, my ex really played me for a fool, and I actually begged him to stop cheating. Begged him. I will never get that back.
But, I learned. He did things to purposely and pointedly hurt me, escalating every time, cycling bigger and bigger until I exploded.
I guess I can thank him for that, it was the last night I drank.
Take care of you.
Go to your friends house and clear your mind.
Love yourself.
Beth
edited to add:
ditto captainzing, transform, still waters.
yep.