Oh boy.
Well the others will be along soon but I'm going to do something I've never done here.
Here are your choices:
Get away from this guy. He's a monster. He doesn't love or respect you. You are bending over backward, he's cheating on you, he doesn't respect you. YOu don't nee anymore proof. Kick him out of your house. Tell him to get the eff out and get a lawyer.
That's my opinion.
Or, keep engaging, keep feeling like crap about yourself, keep snooping, keep having complete breakdowns. I did this. Lots of folks here did. You've seen our posts Lotus. You can't change this guy. You can't make him give a rats a$$ about you. He's not going to miraculously wake up and suddenly say, "OH my GOD what have I done to my beautiful wife?!?" He's going to keep blameshifting, keep on being the selfish piece of crap he is.
The only way to feel better is to get away from him.
You can end this. do it by going bad ass on him. Stand tall, stand firm and get the hell away from him. Don't engage. Don't discuss. Don't plead. Just either get him out or you get out ASAP. Buh bye cheating, drunk jerkward.
There. Now I've done it.