Self Acceptance
I'm watching the season premier of Breaking Bad. If you haven't seen it, it's a show about a guy who gets cancer and funds his medical treatment by cooking methamphetamine, which happened to be my DOC. So the show fascinates me.
But more to the point the episode started out at something like a recovery support group meeting and the counselor running it asked the group by show of hands, who was there to become a better person in some way. And then she said, "Well, what you should be here for is self-acceptance."
It kinda hit me. I can't change the past. And I've been furious at myself for a long time about getting played by my boyfriend, doing drugs in the first place, being so naive and trusting people. I've felt like an idiot and I can't seem to let myself off the hook for my mistakes and my stupidity.
Time to accept it as lessons learned and move on because bawling about it a couple times a week doesn't seem to help. Dwelling on it and wallowing in it sure isn't very progressive.
Am I good enough to be ok with who and what I am? I have to work on it.
Am I good enough to have basic human happiness? Honestly sometimes I don't think so, there's a very loud part of my brain that says no. I can't seem to turn off the negative voice. It's much louder since I quit using than before I started. But maybe if I work on the first question this will follow.
Experiences? Tips?
Now repeat after me: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. LOL