transformyself

I want you to know that after a 14 year marriage, three affairs, two seperations, and several slips of sleeping with him since I moved out in September, I am really loving my life and glad to be rid of him, finally. I never thougth I would feel this way. Ever. I thought my heart would be broken forever. That was before I learned how to take my life back, take responsibility for my own happiness and stop obsessing about him.

And I still have the same feelings surface, the same difficulty you describe. I just work hard to let them go.

I just went into the store where STBXAH works and bought some specialized meat at the counter next to his. He runs the seafood department, and right next to it is the meat counter. I use a special smoked sausage to make a soup and have been avoiding going in there in order to maintain NC and also because i can get triggered very easily there. It's where he had his affair with the nasty, homeless alcoholic he worked with.

I asked the twenty something little blond girl behind the meat counter for the sausage and of course he came right over and started talking to me. This girl had no idea who I am or what's going on. I"ve never seen her there before. She started blushing and giggling and flirting with him, which is a common reaction women have to this very handsome, very charming, very selfish, manipulative, soon to be ex-husband of mine.

I've had women throw themselves at him for our entire relationship-right in front of me. If you had several hours I could tell you the litany of horrific things he's said and done to me, but my guess is you already know. You've been living it too.

I wanted to kill both of them. Instantly. It was like a solar flare. And while I"m grateful I no longer react with unyeilding pain and torment, grateful that this anger has replaced it, I also know I have to let it go ASAP and get back to my life. Or I will be eaten alive.

It was as I FORCED myself to smile, say thank you and walk away that I thought of you and this post.

What does it mean to want to move on but feel stuck?

For me, I have to acknowledge the feelings I"m having, then let them go and force myself to admit I cannot even THINK about him. Not a luxury I can afford. Not my business. Not my problem.

I'm de-escalating pretty well right now, whereas in the recent past this could have tripped me up for days. But I"m going to get back to the yard work, make burgers for me and the kids and do anything, anything other than call him and scream at him about how he betrayed me. Which is what I want to do.

I think my point is that sometimes this doesn't go away. I believe in time, with NC and working on myself, that it will. But it will take time. It will take my being kind to myself and letting go and not obsessing.

Go make a life you love more than anything instead of wasting your time on this guy. He doesn't deserve to lick your shoes.