Oh I can so relate. Listen, The Cheating is a tool to keep you hooked in and the drama on him.
These four sentences, repeated whenever I felt abandoned and desperate, gave me freedom.
I am leaving you now.
This is my choice.
I am free of you and your toxic behavior
All is for my greater good.
This will put the power of choice back in your hands and reprogram what you say to yourself. If you're spinning "why did he leave me? Why doesn't he love me anymore?" over and over again, you'll never be able to detach.