I used to tell myself that I'd stop drinking and not tell my husband because of that fear of failure you mention. Now that I've had 83 sober days in a row, I believe that was me just trying to figure out how to keep drinking...eventually. Then, I didn't want to tell our friends that we hang out with every weekend...in case I "failed"...meaning really, in case I wanted to drink again without anyone making a big deal about it. Thinking that by going on the wagon for a week or maybe two, that I'd paid my sober dues, and surely earned the right to just have a few. Problem was, it was almost never a few. And when it was only a few, and I didn't get totally obliterated, but was careful with the intake, trying to be 'good', I got really angry at everone else who could just drink drink drink freely. So basically, I was either drinking to blackout, hungover - so hungover for days after drinking, or thinking about when I could do it all over again.
Being OCD myself - like, seriously, a card carrying member, official diagnosis and everything, I'd overanalyze all this over and over. Problem was, I had this huge blind spot. I wanted to eat my cake and have it too. Quit, but still drink maybe someday. Doesn't work. It wasn't until I left that thinking behind, and just drew a line in the sand that said, no more, no matter what, was I free. Does that mean I never think about it, or never get just a teensy bit resentful of others who can drink like normal people? No. I do think about it, and I do get urges...but mostly I'm so happy when I wake up sober and not hungover and wondering what I did or said. It's so liberating to be really in control of yourself.
Keep reading, keep posting. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.