Hey Charlotte, welcome to SR!
For starters, you never have to apologize for a long post here...type on to your heart's content - it's cleansing, honestly.
I was just like you with the stress, anxiety depression, perfectionism. Also learned that all of these feelings were begging for a drink to calm me down. This was true - for a while. Then it began to happen...
My drinking increased. I don't mean one or two glasses of wine, I'm talking one or two bottles. Not overnight, but alcohol and its effects never remain constant. When my tolerance level built up to the one/two bottles, I switched it up with vodka.
The problem with using alcohol to mask those uncomfortable feelings is that alcohol does a number on our nervous system. When a couple of glasses of wine used to calm my nerves down in the beginning, it took a greater and greater amount to have the same affect as early on. It's a vicious alcohol cycle; and mixing meds, even (or especially anti-depressants) is dangerous.
I don't know if you're alcoholic. If you're white-knuckling the presence of a beer in front of you and really, really need to resist it, there is a problem.
Never met anybody who's stayed happy and sober on willpower alone. I saw a LADAC (licensed alcohol counselor) in early sobriety who saved my life. He taught me the difference between just staying sober (dry) and helped me to build a foundation for
living sober - there's a big difference.
We all have different experiences to share - don't let it overwhelm you - it becomes a personal choice. Read other forums, ask questions, continue sharing your fears, doubts, triumphs. That's why we're here ~
As for normal...my drinking life was totally abnormal...the life I have now is the only normal I've ever known.
I originally stopped drinking to make the unbearable, emotional pain go away. In hindsight, I never actually thought about "forever" (still don't). Along the way in learning how to live sober, I liked who I became and decided to keep her...
Glad to have you with us, Charlotte. See? No post is too long. lol.