March_19,2006
Today three years ago I woke up still drunk, yet already shaking uncontrollably, hungover, feeling sick as a dog and all I wanted to do is go back to bed and die.
I called my husband who was five hours away and got him to call into work for me. He did that, he also called the police to check on me as he was concerned (I don't miss work). Apparently I convinced the officers that I was just ill and needed rest (damned if I remember).
I then went to bed and with a last large swig out of the whiskey bottle took an overdose. I wanted to 'kill the drinking'. I don't know what I took, it could have been vitamins for all I know.
I ended up in the ER with the worst withdrawal. I remember sobbing when the nurse asked me if I wanted help. The relief was amazing - somebody offered help.
Detox and rehab. Pink cloud for quite a while. Did I stop drinking? Of course not, I am an alcoholic.
I never let myself get to that point again, but I didn't remain sober and this time it's been almost 6 months thanks to SR. Am I sober and recovered or on my way? No I don't think so. I have not been drinking that's all.
I still struggle - I still want that drink. What stops me is that I don't want to be drunk if that makes sense. I keep asking myself that question every time those thoughts creep up. Drink? Yes Drunk? No.
I wish I could have held onto that pink cloud.
As for today - I will not have that drink.
Thanks for listening.