Originally Posted by
lulu1974
wow wanting..u just described my life with my A...except he hasnt snapped out of it. We are no contact but just so shocking to read your words and compare them to my life..such similarities..
Your X has a ton of enablers, and my X has none. His family let him know what they think of his behavior, and so did his friends, astonishingly. I think that makes a huge difference in how long it takes them wakeTFU. I don't know, that's sort of my intellectual take on it, I guess.
I want to tell you something - something that really helped to propel me forward in healing. I wondered why this, why that, googled things like "sociopath" and "narcissist" to find answers as to why my life went from a fairytale to a nightmare. It didn't help me at all. It kept me obsessed, focused on HIM. I think the best eye-opener for me was the book Codependent No More. That book explained so well what everyone here tries to say - to put the focus on YOU. Since I've been spending my time thinking about why I ignored red flag after red flag, I've healed a lot, and let go of giving a $hit about why my X does this or that and if he'll ever be sorry one day.
Originally Posted by
alanonicnov2008
What causes that? Because my ex went from being a sweet harmless guy to a really uptight, nasty super controlling judgmental person. He had his whole family hating me and I hadn't even met them.
Maybe the alcohol helps them to suppress the nasty side of them. My X quit drinking and it wasn't the magic cure for his unhappiness, so he wanted to blame me. Now that I'm gone, he has only himself to blame. And I'm freeeee!!!