Wow, I feel like I'm reading my story. My alcoholic ex did the same things to try to keep me in a sexual relationship when the relationship was clearly ending.
I go to several Al Anon groups in the city but there is one that has a motto...where the women like to say that they are striving to become women of dignity and grace. At first I thought this was a little silly, but what I understand it to mean is that the first thing we have to do is protect ourselves so that we can truly be the people we want to be. "Let go or be dragged" as they say.
No one should put us in a position of acting in a way that makes us feel, well, dragged. We can maintain our dignity and self respect. We have to do that. Distance and detachment is the only way to do this. Drawing a line in the sand.
I wish I had done that sooner. My boyfriend mistreated me but my abandonment fears kept me in it a bit longer. An intervention from his sponsor is what finally ended it (I believe his sponsor told him he was hurting me with his behavior). Sometimes I miss him and sometimes the abandonment issues get triggered, but I'm so grateful to his sponsor (whoever he is) for doing this...