We have a right to our feelings, a right to be angry, and it does not have to be negotiated.
We do not have the right to an apology or amends, nor should we expect any.
I say this having gotten angry while reading an alonon book the other night, and the anger was directed at my 20-years deceased father. I had never felt that kind of anger because I had been well trained to not believe my own thoughts and emotions. My anger was truly on the level of the bitter and abusive anger my father directed at his children and wife for so many years. It was a relief to feel that anger. And disturbing, as I now know exactly what words and tone of voice could have hurt him and my mother deeply, with the same soul-killing impact that his verbal machete attacks had on me and my siblings. My dad would deny it all, say it wasn't so bad, tell me to look at all the things he gave us, and my mom would also say it should all be forgotten, but I know I would get them angry enough, a really nasty tearful rage, to know they saw the truth.
Factually, I would be right is saying those words. But I very much doubt it would make me happy. I would be eating a very cold plate of revenge. And the cycle of abuse would continue.
I have been going through a 4th step inventory, and it requires real honesty about feelings and attitudes. A lot of them are ugly, the stuff of novels, but they are out on the table in the light of day. I own that anger at my father. Over time, with more Step work, I will work with the feelings and heal. Mistakes, theirs and mine, are lessons for me and my siblings, and should not be buried nor used to burn the house down. My feelings may not go away, as the past cannot be erased, but they will be less temping because I have learned from them.