Maybe it's time to face the truth... that maybe you're an alcoholic.
It was a massive relief to me admitting and accepting this. This is fundamental to what keeps me sober. You will find if you don't admit and accept this, then work a recovery programme, you will be kept in the same depressing binge-stop-binge-stop cycle for the rest of your life. The drinking binges will get heavier, and your behaviour and moods during, more and more erratic and damaging.
Only you can choose when you want to get off the merry-go-round though. When you have had enough and only then.