Originally Posted by
cobra8 
The worst is being confused, wondering if I am just imagining it all and they really were great parents. My father especially swears he never did anything wrong, and he's so adament, he believes it so much himself that it makes me wonder, makes me think maybe I'm the one with the problem.
The worst thing about growing up in a crappy, alcohol or drug damaged, or abusive home is that the parents will rarely ever be honest about things, even years later.
I recently had this same experience. I told my AF a number of things he'd done, some violent, and he simply told me I'm imagining it all.
My mother, who is not the alcoholic, is in many ways worse than my father. I'm starting to realize that her taking part in the alcoholic family system, descending to going along with my father in viewing me as the scapegoat, along with her poisonous tongue that never stops telling others what she (erroneously) thinks of me, has probably forever destroyed any chance of me having a good relationship with my sisters. The younger ones, especially, see me through the ugly things she said about me all their lives. This is how they will forever regard me. They will forever feel they can follow the family example of explaining to me all my (supposed) problems and blowing up in frustration when I don't see sense and jump through their hoops.
In the last conversation, no matter how often I pointed out I AM already doing exactly what my sister was telling me I must do, the upshot was that she says I'm not, so I'm not. So I better start. Where do you GO with that?? But she has been raised to believe I'm unreasonable and 'stubborn,' my mother's favorite word for me, and just 'refuse' to listen to anyone. So to her, I couldn't possibly have a valid point.
At this point, I'm hearing through the grapevine how ungrateful I am, how much they've done for me, etc. I was cut out of gift-giving last year because I wouldn't go to their house. That's okay with me. At this point, my dignity is worth more to me than the money.
I figure I'm going to be cut out of the will. It does seem rather cruel that they raised me as the supposed incompetent screw-up who can be corrected by everyone in any possible manner, and are now going to punish me for finally objecting to it. But really, I just want to be free of it. I just want peace.
Anger? I guess I do struggle with it. Ironically, it comes out mostly when I try to pray. My thoughts go to my family then, when I don't think much about them any other time anymore.
I think the anger will continue to go away with time, with living my own life, with making more friends outside of their influence. It drains bit by bit with accepting that this is who they are, and they'll never be anything different. For me, I try to regard God as my father and Mary as my mother (I'm Catholic in case you couldn't tell from that, lol.) I look to them as the parents who love me and see the good in me.
The anger drains as I see the good I can do for others, and the successes I can achieve in my own life.