Truth be told, I suppose I'm not all that certain that I WANT him to be here. At this point I don't truly believe it will work out for us in the long run regardless of the drugs. Too many issues, too much water under the bridge. Problem is I feel very guilty (due in part to my mother who was a co-dependent & enabler to my alcoholic father all of his life) about ending the marriage. She said just today "Well, if he goes back to the drugs AGAIN then you can put him out and no one will blame you."
I said "No one should blame me now!"
Still I feel like if I put him out & he goes back to pills that everyone (maybe even myself) will blame me. Probably shouldn't care, but I do. It's been drilled into me since I was a child that you take care of people you love, and yes, that even includes active addiction. I've got a long way to go.