For the longest time, I needed my Mom to acknowledge and apologize for the chaos that she forced us to live in. I worked at it, I raged at it, I yelled about it. She would not budge, she denied. I had such anger and rage and if she would just admit it all, I would feel better.
I did the same thing until one day a therapist asked me "what would your life be like if your mom/dad did apologize?" And I realized I wouldn't believe them. Because only on two occasions in my life have I seen either parent be "real" in their emotions. So even with an apology, I would still have been in the hurt/angry place. Like Roxie, I let go of wanting that apology.
Can you fellow adult children identify with the rage im feeling? Is it a process?Is it possible to be able to let go of the past?
I believe that most, if not all, of us here can definitely identify with the anger and rage and frustration to the point of wanting to hit something (or someone). It is part of the process, but only if you can navigate a way forward through it. Otherwise it is not part of any 'process', it is just a stuck spot that you will be in for the rest of your life. Many of us here have siblings who have not or were not able to move beyond their stuck spot.
"Letting go of the past" is a little tricky. The past makes us what we are, even if we've done years of program or therapy, even if we mostly have our lives straightened out. I still have a past. My parents still did and said some horrible things to me. My past won't ever go away barring some kind of stroke or brain damage that causes me to forget - and I'd really rather not go there, thanks. BUT - it is possible to reframe your past, to redefine your place in the world now and what role you're going to allow your past to play in your present world. You can let go of the emotional impact it has on your daily life.
It sounds like you're doing all the things you need to do to get headed in the right direction. It's a lot of work, but it is so very worth it!