Originally Posted by
cobra8 
My father especially swears he never did anything wrong, and he's so adament, he believes it so much himself that it makes me wonder, makes me think maybe I'm the one with the problem.... The worst thing about growing up in a crappy, alcohol or drug damaged, or abusive home is that the parents will rarely ever be honest about things, even years later. That can be even more infuriating than the actual memories you have to deal with. Other people are also unlikely to understand unless they had a similar experience in childhood, especially other family members who are liable to think you should just "get over it" for the good of the family or who may be more concerned about your parents than they are about you.
Yup. They never admit anything -- because in their eyes, there's nothing to admit; they're
perfect, and everyone else is the one with the problem. We should consider ourselves privileged to have been allowed to breathe the same air as these people, grow up under their expert care, and otherwise bask in the glow of their overall superiority to the rest of humanity.
That's how my Dad still feels, at 90. No regrets to speak of. The fact that his kids live in other states? Obvious evidence that we're not in possession of his superior judgment. Our refusal to move back and take care of him in his old age (read: submit to his iron will and dictatorial authority, the environment we grew up in)? Clearly, we're a couple of total ingrates.
This is why I say I'm "running the clock out" on him, and that if we were the same age -- and the four-corner-offense strategy thus not available -- I would have to kick him out of my life altogether. As it is, I can just nod my head and let him be "right" as much as he wants -- why take issue with him anymore? It's not going to last much longer, and his increasingly frail condition (unclear, at this point, whether he's going to be able to come home from the nursing/rehab place at all, and if he does, he'll clearly need round-the-clock care) means that even if he doesn't "admit he was wrong," it isn't going to matter.
That's not an outlook I'm happy with -- but at least it's better than that of my no-program sister, with her 10,000-RPM brain spins, trying to plan, control, worry, people-please, and micromanage my Dad's care in hopes of somehow engineering a happy ending, after all this time....
T