Originally Posted by
coffeedrinker 
just thought of something.
if your ah is really working a program, truly clean and sober, ya know it does take a little time for all the old crappy behaviors to diminish. it may be that he felt remorseful after the yelling/threatening match. he was under pressure and went to his default behavior. he has to un-learn that. don't know enough, just wondering. hard for you, because that shuttles you right back to where you were (emotionally) when you were living with all the bulls..t. stirs it ALL again, instantly.
I hate to sound like the pathetic wife and defend him, but yes, I do believe that he is working the program. At least he seems to be. He goes to church twice a week , he does NA/AA at least 5 days a week etc. He does go to that ugly place and it frustrates me to no end. That evening after all that happened he called me to apologize knowing he doesn't have a leg to stand on. He said he is mad at himself because he brought all this on himself. He said that he realized he had what many men would give their left arm for and he blew it.
We talked again tonight and I brought up what happened. I do know that he LOVES his son and despite everything I do believe he loves me. He just needs to relearn how to react to normal life. He is aware that it is going to take time before he can be with our son without supervision. He is 100% committed to that for now. I just saw coffeedrinker's suggestion and I'm going to bring that up tomorrow. What I said to him as that he was untrustwrothy for a long time and it is going to take equally as long for me to feel comfortable leaving my son alone with him for now. I explained to him that our son is my #1 priority and I can't just willingly put him in a situation that I'm unsure of.
Thank you all for your suggestions. I'm going to let the mediator take the lead as to how we resolve things and how we can get to an agreement that is best for our son.