I obsessed - now it's gone
I obsessed a little about my ex this weekend. I kept looking at his fb to see what he was writing (we're not "friends"). At first it was because I wanted to know if he was ok. When I saw that he was spending his time posting and chatting about YouTube videos, I realized he'd fine, but still drinking. When I saw that he was posting things about he and I, I became very angry. Angry that he was being so cheerful. Angry that he's so cruel to post something about me (it wasn't something mean) and not just respect the fact that I'm hurting and he shouldn't be chatting cheerfully with other people about me (women).
I'm a private person and he knows how I feel about having my business broadcasted to everyone we know. I was so angry. SO ANGRY that he couldn't just leave me out of it. I called my friend ranting about it, cussing and ranting about how mean my xabf is.
Then it was gone. Then I realized how pathetic it is that he doesn't have any close friends anymore. I realized how pathetic it was that he has nothing better to do than post YouTube videos on fb and hope for meaningless comments from almost strangers. I realized how pathetic his alcohol saturated thinking processes are. I realized how pathetic he is. He's an alcoholic. He's choosing to drink and, therefore, choosing not to enjoy life right now. That's sad.
If he needs to spend his days on fb trying to chat with people he hardly knows, I don't care to read it anymore. If he thinks it's ok to post things about me when he's already hurt me so much, I don't need to know anymore. He's just sad and lost and I left because it hurts too much to watch and be a part of.
What does it matter what he says about me on fb? What does it matter what he posts on there at all? It doesn't affect me or my life. My life that I'm living. I'm healing more and more every single day. I've been feeling so much better. It only hurts when I press my face up to the window to look in on him and his horrible life. The door was shut - time to pull the blinds on the window now.
One more step in the right direction.