I told my AH for a good year that he needed to sober up or leave. Instead, he got a girlfriend that drank more than he did, hid that affair from me, came home every night for weeks, drunk, telling me what a piece of crap I was and that he was leaving me. I cried and begged him not to leave me. Told him I would change.
all the things he listed as reasons for my piece of crap status were true.
After I discovered the affair, I left for a tropical island for a month. Left him with the kids. My sister lives there. When I arrived, I realized that I was in absolute torture over the things he had told me. The way he'd taken my inventory.
I told myself that I deserved for him to leave me. I deserved for him to find happiness in someone elses arms, bring her to my house.
So, I came up with a phrase to say, outloud, to myself, every time I started beating myself up.
I forgive you, Transformie, for not knowing then what you know now. I forgive you and lovingly set you free.
It took the full month I was there, but I successfully reprogrammed myself.
You can too.