Forgiveness
I'm having a really hard time forgiving myself.
For being so naive.
For being so easily manipulated.
For letting myself literally become sick with stress.
For caring too much.
For making him a priority.
For still thinking about him even when I'm trying to move on.
For loving someone who is unable to love back.
For letting this go on for so long without establishing a boundary.
Grrr! I'm mad at myself and I'm just beating myself up kind of. It's easier to forgive someone who is clueless, its hard to forgive myself when I knew this was a bad situation walking into it. A friend of mine told me that I shouldn't feel bad for having faith in the good in people. That helped to think about it that way.
I'm just so sick of thinking about this. I'm sick of talking about alcoholism, codependency and healing. I just want to heal now! LOL. I read and read and obsess, get angry...feel at peace, even at times. But when it comes down to it I am just ughh...I feel disgusted with myself....Running stuff over in my head over and over....I think that's part of the reason I'm down.
I exercise and do all the things you're supposed to do...but I still just feel so low about myself sometimes I don't want to do anything. And all this anger! It's like anger, depression, anger, depression, anger depression...and then a glimmer of peace. I have so much hatred I don't know what to do with it. Yuck.
What's everyone's experience with forgiving themselves?