aah1977

AH and I have been getting along very well this week. His supervised visitation with our son every night this week after work has gone very well. After he goes to bed we usually spend about 15 - 20 minutes discussing issues in a friendly manner. I have paid the retainer for the lawyer on our separation agreement and went to the courthouse this week to file for support/custody. I came away with nothing on that. I was told I needed to make an appointment with an intake officer. So I called to make the appointment and the person that does that was not there. The receptionist told me they are backlogged for 3 weeks. She did go over the porcess with me and part of that would include a court ordered mediation. So, that night I told H what would happen and that I was thinking continuing with the mediator on support/custody would make sense since we would be ordered to do that anyway. He agreed because he said he knows he needs to be reasonable. We have an appointment next week for that.

H has told me repeatedly that he agrees with me for filing for separation. It will protect me legally and financially and give me a much needed break from the chaos his addiction has caused me. He is now begging for marriage counseling because he says he wants to prove he is clean over the next year and get his family back. I told him that getting back together isn't a given, but I won't say never. I do still love him, but I need to get myself back on track without constantly being worried about him.

Here is where I'm about to tear my hair out. He has agreed verbally to supervised visitation which at this point with his legal issues and his documented addiction is all a judge will give him. His defense lawyer has told him many times not to fight me right now. He told me yesterday that he wants me to get the support issue rolling because he said that if he does end up in jail he would like for support for our son to be established beforehand with his most current salary. That to him is the reason for mediation. He seemed to be using his head and being totally rational about his situation...

Except that what he is in denial about is that to have child support established a custody agreement has to be put into place. So today we were having a conversation about the house. All of a sudden he said he was looking forward to the mediation, but that no matter what he wasn't going to sign anything that said he could only have supervised visitation. He said that supervised visitation is reasonable right now, but he doesn't want it in writing. I told him that seeing the mediator is to help us figure out the best solution. Obviously my lawyer is going to fight for me and if he got a lawyer that person would fight for him. The mediator is to help us come to a healthy conclusion.

It quickly turned into a shouting match. He is so irrational about this. He wants to have something in place legally for support, but in order to do that we have to establish custody! No judge is going to award him any custody at this point! He started saying that if I wanted to play dirty (which I'm totally NOT) his parents are prepared to spend $30,000 to ensure he gets his son. I KNOW that with his record he will only make it worse for himself, but he doesn't see that. The KICKER was that he said if I try to do all of this he will file against me and say that I'm an alcoholic, abusive to him and our son, and neglectful. I said you know that isn't true and they would investigate only to still find things in my favor. He said "I know that, but it would drag things out and make you feel as low as I do right now." I said what about thinking about how this will effect our son and he said "back at you." I could give a million and one comebacks, but I'm trying to take the high road.

I'm so pissed! I'm trying to do the right thing by my child and this freakin' brain damaged (yes, I don't think he can think straight anymore) person is ready to wrongfully accuse me of stuff just because he is hurt. He brought this all on himself! So much for trying to be amicable! I hope that he will cool down and try to get back to reasonable thinking.

I just hate what drugs have done to him and my family!