So, I'm still trudging through the grief and yucky feelings of breaking up with my xabf. I wrote a post a few days ago about how every little thing I let go of really seems to hit me hard. One of the things I realized that I was really white knuckling was the belief that "We're meant to be together."
He would say it over and over. I believed it too. We got together after all those years because
we're meant to be together. I've read it referred to in many threads as "the fantasy".
Yesterday, I realized something. I said it out loud several times throughout the day, and today also. I said it angrily at first. Then I just kept saying it, so I wouldn't forget.
I'm NOT meant to be with him because I'm not meant to be with a man who:
- Lies to me;
- Tries to manipulate me;
- Says cruel things to me;
- Scares me;
- Gets angry at me when I cry;
- Uses me or;
- Hurts me to "get even" or because he's "just mad".
There is NO WAY we're meant to be together. NO WAY was I MEANT TO BE with someone like that. NO WAY do I deserve that.
I'm meant to be with someone who:
- Loves me for me, not for what I can do for him;
- Supports me emotionally;
- Wants to be in a loving, romantic relationship;
- Doesn't insult me, say mean things to me, or hurt me on purpose;
- Doesn't scare me;
- Holds me when I cry;
- Wants to be my best friend;
- Is honest and healthy and happy.
That's all I have to report today from the trenches.