HI everyone.
I am almost 4 and a half years sober, and have been struggling with depression for as long as I can remember. For the past few, years though I have been ok and pretty stable and maintainted well with effexor. This most recent bout of depression has been really really bad. Crying all the time, for no reason, even at work, running into the bathroom to cry about nothing. It is bad enough for me to begin to see a psychiatrist again to try to figure out if my meds had stopped working or what. I guess my first sign of trouble should have been that it took her 4 visits to remember that i didn't have insurance and needed, when possible, medications that were affordable. I mean I have gotten to the point where I am willing to try anything, accept use of course, to feel better, so i was willing to pay for whatever meds she thought where necessary but if there was a less costly alternative I wanted her to keep that in mind, but she kept forgetting, instead of writing it down or something. I know I'm venting , im sorry
Today the most terrifying thing happened at my appointment. She told me, "ok i want you to 'experiment' with your meds, over the next two weeks, see what works for you" I have been so stupid. Here I am 4 months after the initial warning signs and I am on 2 anti depressants, a benzo for anxiety and an amphetamine for ADD. I am not even sure I have ADD!! I know that the med is very addictive and I take everything as directed of course, but I take it morning and afternoon and by the time I am on my way home from work I notice withdrawl symptoms!!!!!!!!!!!! I am terrified!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention this was the third psychiatrist I tried, the other 2I tried I went to the first appt and didn't even make the second because they both seemed to have very little experience of working with people in recovery, this women says she has and now here I am. :
Can anyone relate? I am really scared. I know I need to find someone else, but I am so tired of the process. Either way I must do it,I know I must. Thanks for letting me share everyone