I would love to hear what others have to say about this because I am in a similar situation. Not exactly the same, but, I too have a desire to reduce contact ...rather radically, with one of my brothers, who I'll call brother "A". Frankly, if I could go completely "no contact" I would not be all that upset about it.
I am 56, he is 68. We used to get along okay, but early on in life I could see that he had problems. He spent years, literally, living on people's sofas. He slept on my sofa for a few months in the late 70's until a roomnate kicked him out: he didn't see the need to help pay for heat, electricity or water because he was "just sleeping on the sofa for a few days".
But, we never had any serious problems until my mother died: before her death, he obtained her signature while she was not mentally competent, allowing him to co-own her savings account. He cleaned it out.
For years after that, I didn't want to have much to do with him. And, it was easy to keep a distance. I lived far away and maintaining contact was difficult.
Fast forward to 4 years ago I became the court appointed guardian and conservator for another brother, brother "T" who is mentally ill and who had a small estate.
When he got wind of this, brother "A" re-established "friendly" contact with me and the requests for money came quickly. Legally, I had no grounds to give him any money from the other brother's estate so it became negative almost immedietely.
About two years ago he cooked up a real estate deal he wanted my husband and I to go in on. When I took a closer look at the arrangement, brother "A" was not going to pay anything, he was going to exchange work and some possessions for his share of the property! I also found out that the price of the property was over-inflated. It turns out the shady real estate agent was a friend of his. The whole deal was a scam dreamed up by a couple of con men. The sad part is that one of the con men is my own brother and I would be the patsy in the deal.
His personality has also changed radically in the last few years, he is critical and openly hostile to me when we see each other. Then, he apologises. Then, he will repeat all that behavior the next day. I simply don't like being around him anymore.
I discovered him embezzling money last summer from our mentally ill brother. He had manipulated a VA field examiner into being our mentally ill brother's fiduciary: he recieved the checks and had the authority to cash them. He was cashing them and using the money for himself for over 6 months, leaving a pittance for brother "T". I put a stop to that when I met the field examiner and that added to brother "A"'s list of resentments towards me.
I am actually considering trying to avoid seeing him the next time I go back home, which will be in a few months. I will be seeing other relatives, he will find out that I'm in town.
I guess my dilemna is that I don't want to come right out and say that I am disgusted with him, that just when I think he can go no lower, he does. I guess I'll have to come up with a few dishonest excuses for avoiding him, and that might cause some problems. He might see through all that. And, I am not sure if I want to lie.
My sentiments are that I am sick and tired of him, and I really don't have a great desire to see him again.
And, oyes, he is a chronic, untreated alcoholic who has always tried to position me into a codependent role. I quit drinking 18 months ago and needless to say, my view of him has not gotten better....