Banana, I started getting back to journaling recently. I used to be prolific, and liked to write for as long as I can remember, and then it turned into a way of dealing with depression for me. It took a good 10 years or so for alcohol to supplant writing in that personal way. Then the desire to journal came back and I must have eyed a journal somebody gave to me about 15 years ago for two weeks before I could open it up and start going at it. But I did, like it was an instinct to stay healthy and symbolically stamp out some territory. At least it feels that way. I understand if it is only good to an extent though.
I don't think there is anything stupid or weak in what you said in the least. Having the ability to focus on "it" is a big DEAL to me. I am a bit past my 100 days now for the first time ever, so I am mindful of the ifs that will be there for me. I don't know what else to say other than to remember that you can do it today and then do it tomorrow again. You know your tools, you know this forum is here, you know what happened when Day One was there. All of that is strength you own and just have to keep.