I alluded to this 'resentment' in another thread I started earlier today:
In '83, my sister (the biotch) and her then husband ran into T in the Caymans, where he proceeded to give her his card, with ALL his contact info on it to give to me. SHE NEVER DID. (That in itself is a whole separate thread I need to do on RESENTMENT).
I am having a real hard time with this one since I found out about 2 months ago that she never gave me the information. It just seemed to be the 'straw that broke the camel's back'. There are other things over the years that I have forgiven her for. She is also the 'The Executor' of a trust our Mother set up for both of us and the grandchildren. At the time the only reason, according to my Mother was that she is 11 years younger than me and hopefully would outlive me.
However, there have been some things with the Trust that I have not agreed with, have voiced my concerns and she did them anyway.
In my many years of working a program (actually 2 programs, one from alcoholism and one from codieism) I have learned that 'revenge' really does no one, especially me no good. I have learned that I don't have to do anything 'rash' anymore that I can think things through, develope a plan and do things through legal channels.
After some discussions with one of my nephews who is extremely upset with his mother's actions regarding the individual trusts under the blanket of the total trust, he and I have gone ahead and sued to get a new executor. We don't have to 'accuse' we only have to state that we have LOST CONFIDENCE in the current executor to either get a new one appointed or the trusts turned over to the individuals.
So where my resentment stands is really quite simple. Upon resolution of this lawsuit, I will no longer have contact with a 54 year old woman who continues to act like a 'bratty 12 year old' at least half of the time. I do not need nor want that type of person in my life. The current resentment reared it's ugly head when I found out she did not do what I would 'expect' a normal decent human being to do ............................. pass on important information.
In reality, I cannot change the past. So, I have to change the present and future for me .................................... my peace and serenity are of utmost importance to me and very necessary to my ongoing recovery. I have over the years cut 'toxic' people out of my life ................... I have procrastinated on this as after all she is family .............................. well we cannot pick the family we are born into, but I sure as hell can pick those I want to be in my life today.
In a way I am sorry for her, that she has lived her life the way she has. I regret not listening to those 'red flags' I have had over the years sooner. However, this too will soon be rectified, and I will move on with my life.
Is this the 'correct' way to deal with a resentment? I don't know, probably not. It certainly is not what I was taught ..................... to pray for the person for 14 days straight, and to start over if a day is missed. However, it is much better than my 'old ways' of dealing with resentments.
I'm not perfect and never claimed to be. Only time will tell if this will relieve what I feel for this person.
Love and hugs,