welcome to sr. honestly, i wished I'd been more interactive on this forum before my late ABF overdosed. It's uncomforable being confused and feeling stuck. When I read your post, I thought wow! this was my life...for 3 years. You will be welcomed with open hearts and solid honest support here at SR. Have you read the "codie" book by Melody Beattie titled Codependent No more? The book is as necessary as food and water when you're living with an addict. The explanations and encouragement found within its pages will support your shift from HIS issues, to your OWN.