Congratulations, Elsie! That's great!
That's why we so often recommend NO CONTACT for at least a period of time to allow yourself to settle down and figure out what it is you truly want. It's so difficult, if not impossible, to see things clearly while still involved in all the drama and chaos.
Keep on keeping on, Elsie. Take the very best care of YOU and your kids as possible. It's the most important job in your life at this moment.