Thread: 2 weeks sober
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Old 03-02-2010, 04:18 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Toronto68
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Medals, congrats on this slow-down. Not everybody is the same, for some people there is no such thing as moderation management, and drinking and normality don't go hand in hand anymore. That's why a lot of people who quit and see it as a recovery will say that one is too much and 10,000 not enough. And some of those people will say that it turned into either an everyday ordeal all over again or an ordeal with different timing.

I remember the concern inside about whether there was enough to get through the night. I also remember a temporary satisfaction in having to replenish only every 2 or 3 days, saving myself from having to face somebody who would recognize me in the store. A couple of times, my ingenious idea of rotating to different stores to avoid embarrassment didn't work out for me (the employees knew how to rotate stores too, ha ha). One of the thoughts in the car on the way home was whether I needed to stop and get some more, but it would also come up during the day. And if someone wanted to have a drink and chat with me after work, I would decline so that I could go home and safely experience drunkenness. When I did go out, I would have either 1 or 0 drinks, so that nothing would get in my way of reaching the destination (drinking at home, and getting back into my cocoon). I wouldn't have been able to moderate the drinking. What I see in me is that I suffer from an addiction, and that it is with me for life, so I cannot drink.

Whichever way it pans out for you (a slow-down with normality back in the picture OR out-and-out quitting), I hope it works out for you. The slow-down did not work for me.

I have not been away from drinking for a long time (just over 100 days, which is similar to 3 years in the brain I had when my drinking problem was younger, ha ha), and I have only been coming to this site for close to a month. What I find myself telling people that think they want to quit (and yet still have doubts) is that they will know better than I will if/when to stop. For one thing it sounds presumptuous to claim I would know the answer (even if I have decent insight), but for another that is exactly how it was for me; I just reached that point without drastic events going on around me. I also echo what other people say, and that is to give yourself a block of time with no drinking (no drinking at all) and see what comparisons you can make between the two; how you're feeling physically and emotionally between the two contexts. Hopefully you will give that a try and give yourself enough time to see what is best.
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