It's called "alcoholism", Scot, and most of us never recover. It isn't surprising that you are drinking (if you are an alcoholic), that's normal. Your sober times are the amazing part. Your case is described in the primary text, the "Big Book." Have you read the first 164 pages closely? Have you asked a member of AA to guide you through it? Check out Step One--alcoholism is a desperate and dangerous situation. Try out the Step Forum and give yourself a chance. You are worth it.