yep, my late ABF has been reincarnated and is living with you now.
You don't have to make any decisions or action plans right away. You're reaching out and that is the first step to you living a better life, one that you deserve. Being a tragic codie....read the book by Melody Beattie. You might need to hide it from your ABF, read it twice if you need to. It's a big help. Maybe get to a meeting, for yourself, a Hospice counselor...
Safe yourself, and if you need a life jacket, keep posting.