Hoping I can articulate this. There is a happy dance happening inside of me.
Yesterday I had to drive 3 1/2 hours to collect my daughter from college and bring her home for the weekend. ABF and I have not spent any real time together since he moved out three weeks ago, and he really wanted to drive up there with me, so I picked him up early in the morning, we had a drive, stop for breakfast, and some really good talks. One of the topics was that he is getting ready to start looking at other housing. Usually this would be a red flag, cuz he is in a program, but I truly believe that the environment where he's at is not healthy. Lots of examples of disrespect toward the residents, racist comments, using going on and not being addressed, etc.
So what I said was this:
"I do not think that this is the ideal environment for you to thrive in. I think [such and such, this and that] should be in place, for your recovery, creating and sustaining relationships with clean and sober guys. But I also think that you
can work your program whether that ideal situation is going on or not. You can still grow and be strong, and work it, even in less-than-ideal circumstances. There is good and bad about where you're at, there would be good and bad if you leave and get an apartment. But here's the deal: I told you a couple months ago, that I want you to work your own program, that I don't
want to tell you what to do. When I said that, I was trying to actually feel that way. Today, I tell you that I don't
want to be your counselor, parent, sponsor, guru. I say it, and I really
mean it. I want a different role in my relationship with you. When you are questioning something, I can give you feedback and help you sort through things, as I would with any friend, but the decision IS YOURS."
And guess what, wonderful S/R family? I really
did mean what I said. Later that day, I thought about it and
still really meant it, and this morning, I am feeling light-hearted and good about myself. Cuz
I STILL MEAN IT !
Thanks for listening.
