I thought the grammar comment was some kind of 'knock.' Addict thinking, caring too much what others think of me, paranoid that they're judging me and reflecting it on others! Gotta move past that...grrr..!
Unfortunately it's not a surprise to me that the seizure didn't change things for you. I've gone through he!! and back with my addicition but wasn't ready to quit, until I was really ready ---regardless of the physical and mental turmoil the pills caused. They made me 'happy' gave me 'energy' -- I could do anything-- until I couldn't. I don't know much about the manufacture of medications, but I would bet the potency is not the issue. Tolerance, as you know, is the nature of the opiate beast. We take more and more and they 'work' less and less. Over time the rushing energy and peace of mind falls away - but the cold sweats, racing heartbeat, insomnia and nausea worsen - at least for me. I'm embarassed to say I was taking 50+ of those bad boys at the height of my addiction, and the obsession was the worst part. Counting pills hourly, Calling fedex and some guy in timbuktu 7x a day like a crazy woman, screaming about how irresponsible they were. I paid extra for early delivery damnit! G-d knows I do not miss that feeling. By some miracle I never had a seizure, but the constant muscle twitching and 'jumps' as I like to call them were no party.
I can't tell you when it will 'hit home' for you or how long it will take, I can only tell you my experience. I wanted off the damn tramadol so bad and everyday there was a new excuse - big presentation coming up, vacation with the family, not enough money. I was spending upwards of $500/monthly on those effing pills, but I still couldn't find the money for treatment. And like you every week I told myself, okay just one more bottle...I'll save up enough and finally have the money to really get help and quit! Never happened for me - not until I realized there was no excuse I was willing to make to NOT save my life.
My p-doc and I decided on Subutex therapy. He also prescribed me an SSRI to 'lessen the blow' from coming off that much tramadol. I have about a 15 yr+ history with opiates and really I was scared of the w/d I knew all too well, I was scared to quit and stay quit. I've had ups and downs with my decision, but overall this worked for me while I worked on my recovery. The Subs weren't a cure, but they have bought me time. Subutex worked for me at a time when I needed it, 18 months+ later and faced with the inevitable taper off this medication, I do wonder daily if I replaced one drug for another. And until I was able to treat the sub therapy as a tool in my recovery and not just another DOC, it may have been just that. I still do have times when I struggle, I know that I am an addict and I always will be-- I don't blame that on the Subutex, I blame that on addiction. The obsession is hard to break, but for today - I will not pick up.
No matter what route of recovery you choose, I do hope you seek help sooner rather than later. It could mean your life.
(I think it was in your original question too. I was on tramadol for I think about 2 1/2 years. Before that I ran the gammet of opiates and stimulants, but the tramadol took me down.)