Thanks for the responses everyone - I have ordered the book "Women Who Love too Much" and can't wait for it to arrive. I definately have read "Codependent no More" doesn't hurt to read it again... and again... and again....! Will check into the Dr. Cloud book some more.
Anvilhead - thanks for the website! I checked it out and remembered visiting it before, it's great and I need to bookmark it. Something on there I found that really hit home:
To start by learning how to set boundaries and assert ourselves, without changing the core relationship with ourselves, will ultimately not work in relationships we care about most. It is relatively easy to start setting boundaries in relationships that don't mean much to us - it is in the relationships that mean the most that it is so difficult. That is because, it is those relationships - family, romantic, etc. - that our inner child wounds are the most powerful. The little child within us ... is terrified of setting boundaries for fear everyone will leave.
That is me -- I am strong and confident and have good boundaries most of the time and in most situations. But, I panic about setting boundaries with my family and in romantic relationships. No matter how hard I try or "pep talk" myself, and just do not follow through! The only boundary I can have is to terminate the relationship or go no contact (for at least awhile). I am going to work on this some more, bring it to therapy and to my sponsor and do lots of reading, cause what I hope might happen is this:
Once we start having a more loving relationship with ourselves, everything changes. We start to naturally and normally: set boundaries with others; speak our Truth; own our right to be alive and be treated with respect and dignity.