Laura
Lots of great advice here. You already know we can't drink part time. It doesn't work like that.
Think back to all the bad things that have happened even since you joined us. You open the door to all that, and more, every time you drink.
In the end the only way you'll ever get to feel comfortable not drinking is by not drinking and giving it a go.
You don't need the crutch Laura - you just gotta do some tentative walking on your own
D