THANKS for this thread.
The emptiness... ppl try to fill it with drink, drugs, sex, hobbies, distractions etc, yet its still there. I went to a party once... I met a bunch of drunks at 4 am (I wasn't one of them) and met someone who could have been XABF. He said "I know I should drink less, but I can't live without... this!" The "this" was other drunks saying jokes and telling funny stories and some hugging, etc. I think that is the only way he thinks he had "family" and "friends". I gave him and others a ride, he was on his way to meeting his GF in a bus station. He looked terrible and was very very drunk. I felt compassion for his GF, arriving from somewhere tired, to find your partner is coming from the party and needs YOUR help. UGH.
To me it looked like loneliness. In XABF's case, his mom died years ago. XABF mentioned his dad was always out sleeping with his new partner (he said "lover" not partner). XABF hates his dad. XABFs sister was always locked in her room with his BF and they seldom talked. If dad and sis evade each other and reality, its only logical he will do the same.
The whole house smelled of sadness, loneliness and someone missing. I cringe just remembering it.
Anyway we are not therapists here, my point is that since I "got an explanation" of why he does what he does, I feel better. At least put my mind to rest.
Also, given our history together, you would think he would be discrete at work or something. Nope, he speaks about beers, brings GF to the office etc, as if nothing ever existed. Wow. All the drama and realities due to Jack Daniels and he's still the same person. I think his explanation for the breakup (which he said he initiated of course) was that I was getting fat, wasnt tidy enough and was boring and frustrated. LOL.
The twilight zone... thanks all for sharing.