If I knew the answer to that, I'd know a d**n sight more than I know now, I tellya that. I still think (about my ex): man, it sure must hurt bending that far over to stick your head up your (anatomical reference deleted), why don't you for the love of all that's good in life JUST STOP?????
I dunno. All he could come up with is, "I have poor impulse control." Yaaa, I'd noticed that. I do know that it pains him deeply that he can't do better, but that's the closest I can get to understanding or empathy.
Hugs. You aren't alone in feeling this way. You aren't underestimating the loss, and there's nothing wrong with your reaction. Alcohol does suck. I can't tell you how many times I've wished he and I had been born into a time and place where alcohol hadn't been discovered.
Oh, yeah, and as a sufferer of a compulsive disorder myself (trichotillomania, and it sucks too) I can say that compulsion of that nature is incomprehensible to anyone who doesn't have it. It can't be explained.