Hi KeepPedalling....I am so sorry you are having a bad day. I downloaded the book, Codependant No more and just started reading it, but I did already read something that stuck with me.....I want to share it with you!
"We take things to heart that we have no business taking to heart. For instance, saying "If you loved me you wouldn't drink" to an alcoholic makes as much sense as saying "If you loved me you wouldn't cough" to someone who has pneumonia. Pneumonia victims will cough until they get appropriate treatment for their illness. Alcoholics will drink until they get the same. When people with a compulsive disorder do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don't love you-they are saying they don't love themselves."
I hope reading this helps. You are obviously an amazing women and deserve to be loved and respected. You will find this person. This book also talks about detachment, which is so important. I recommend getting this book....I am only on page 74 out of 220 and it's helping.