I've been there - it isn't pretty. Just hearing your story is giving me determination to stay sober this time. Thank you for that. For me the main thing was realizing I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to be drunk. But I do have support from my famiy and they are proud of me for not drinking. I don't want to let them down. Typing this is also reinforcing my goals. Sorry if I'm not helping you, but doing this is really helping me!