thanks everyone, i will take all your opinions on board. he actually said the other day we need to talk about it so i will hope he'll bring it up himself. If not i will probably tell him how i feel again and leave him to think about that next week. I realise he probably think i'll stay no matter what - but that really isn't true. at some point i know i will have enough and there will be no going back - i need him to know what he's going to lose.