Originally Posted by
iwantcontrol 
I have a question – is it ever a good idea to discuss their alcoholism with them when sober?.
I will answer your question as one of them.
Would it have been a good idea to discuss my active alcoholism with me while I was sober?
Only if I initiated the conversation and was sincerely hoping to find a solution. If I did not initiate the conversation, I would cut you off and remind you to keep your nose out of my business. I actually did that when someone asked me if I thought my drinking was a problem.
Play the tape forward on having another conversation with your A about his drinking. What results do you hope to get? What results will you likely get based on past behavior?
I agree with this:
No good comes of bottling things up.
There are healthy ways to express your feelings: Alanon, SR and therapy are healthy ways to express your feelings and get support.
I don’t think it would be healthy in a relationship sense to ignore it and never talk about it. Even if discussing it doesn’t lead to them seeking help, surely it is an issue in a relationship like any other and talking about it can only help?
A relationship with an active addict is not like any other relationship. Normal healthy ways of expression are not part of a relationship between active addicts and their loved ones. The pattern of expression (in addiction relationships) includes lying, manipulation, denial and drama by both partners, in my experience.