I’ve heard from RAs that it can be a good idea to discuss how worried you are etc with them after a drinking session because they are more receptive then and the information could get through to make them get help.
This sounds like behavior modification. Still trying to get him to see the light and change him. I did this too and it resulted in more promises, crying from him and me thinking that things will be okay now. The lies increased and I was spinning my wheels more trying to understand what was going on.
I intend on having another discussion with my ABF (which he has agreed to) where I want to talk openly about the extent and progression of his drinking, the lying to me and what help he is going to look for. I want to treat it like any other problem in a relationship and try to talk it through sensibly. I also want to make it clear to him that he doesn’t have a unlimited time in which to seek out and start recovery – I don’t think he fully understands that at some point I will end the relationship if there is no improvement,
We all need to try what works for us. I chose not to listen to others years ago. They were correct about my ex, but I didn't want to believe it. I thought that we might be different. I hope that you find what you are looking for. From my experience, the A already knows where you stand. He wants what he wants and will work you to get it. When we stay engaged with a sick person and continue to try to rationalize with them, we drive ourselves crazy. Again, he is sick. That is just the way it is. Not bad or good, just reality. Alcoholism isn't a relationship problem that you just work through. It is his to deal with. He right now is choosing not to. Continuing to engage him after you have said that his lying is unacceptable sends him the message that you will put up with anything. Your word looses value when you don't uphold a boundary. In a weird way it is like the A who lies about never drinking again. His words loose believability. ACTIONS speak louder than words.
Is there another way other than having a converation to establish your boundaries, since he already know them (I think)? Maybe enforcing them with actions?