Discussing their alcoholism - yes or no?
I have a question – is it ever a good idea to discuss their alcoholism with them when sober? I want us to try to be open and honest with each other and I think we need to talk about how serious the drinking is and what he is going to do about it. I’ve read conflicting ideas about this – to either never bring it up because there is no point, or do bring it up when sober and make it clear how much of a problem it is, that you’re worried and the ways they could help solve it etc. I don’t think it would be healthy in a relationship sense to ignore it and never talk about it. Even if discussing it doesn’t lead to them seeking help, surely it is an issue in a relationship like any other and talking about it can only help? No good comes of bottling things up.
I’ve heard from RAs that it can be a good idea to discuss how worried you are etc with them after a drinking session because they are more receptive then and the information could get through to make them get help.
I intend on having another discussion with my ABF (which he has agreed to) where I want to talk openly about the extent and progression of his drinking, the lying to me and what help he is going to look for. I want to treat it like any other problem in a relationship and try to talk it through sensibly. I also want to make it clear to him that he doesn’t have a unlimited time in which to seek out and start recovery – I don’t think he fully understands that at some point I will end the relationship if there is no improvement, and with every lie and promise broken our relationship is eroded and eventually there wont be much left. I’m not trying to force him into doing something – just make it clear that it is his choice – but if he chooses not to I wont be around anymore.