It’s made me see just how much anger and resentment I’m holding on to.
This is the third time or so that I'm reading that book. I carry it with me now. Everytime I read it, I get something new out of it and this is the arena I'm in now. It hurts doesn't it? I need the sequel book to how to release the anger and resentment! But it can be done and I believe that with practice, even baby steps, of detachment and staying within our own set boundaries, that little by little this anger and resentment dissolve.
When I read your post, I had to double check the member name, thinking...did I post this some time ago and forget? You are living my life...and I'm not jealous!
One day I said, perhaps you are in need of rehab? He said "YOU are the reason I drink, etc" And I responded with my sassy attitude "Oh yeah? Then I'll eliminate myself from your addiction equation and see if Captain Morgan stays or goes". Yes, Captain stayed, I got on a plane and split. He found me, begged, pleaded, all the exposure and vulnerabilities of the little hurt boy came out in the light. And I post this all the time,
It wasn't me that he wanted so much. It was the false identity he got from overpowering me and controlling me that he missed so much. I reminded him just how clear he made it that I am _______ and _______ . And wouldn't dream of him spending another minute with someone so unworthy. Then, I detached. Got a new wardrobe, a new job, a new life which didn't revolve around him. Stopped driving him where he needed to go. Stopped giving him my last $5.00. Stopped driving him to court dates, probation officers, paying fines. He went off the deep end and died. But it was coming whether I began doing for myself or waited on him to get better.
The person you are with is sick. Don't beat yourself up over not being able to nurture them to health. They either want it or they don't.