Sorry ((( kota )))
Maybe it's a good thing your mom can't help. You don't want an active alcoholic watching your kids, do you? But still, I understand wishing you had parents you could count on in times like this.
Must be hard not to be able to move forward. I personally like having a partner too.....though it's hard work.....but what would he be like if you were to find him? How would you know the right person if he came along? (I always asked myself that when I was newly in "relationship recovery") Are you free to "look" now, or do you feel trapped by your X's presence in your life?