All I can say is that, eventually, you get sick of it. I used to feel this way too. When things were really good, I got weak. When things went back south I'd get sad and felt determination to detach. After a while, the "good times" just felt fake. And you don't enjoy them because you're too busy bracing yourself for the fall you know lies ahead. I don't experience the ups and downs so much myself anymore. Abf goes through his ups and downs and can't understand why they don't affect me. Why don't I cave when he's being REALLY nice and attentive? And why don't I feel bad when he isn't feeling well? Just doesn't affect me like that anymore. I guess that is detachment. And, from my experience, I don't think it's anything you can force... it just happens when you're ready.