Hey guys,
Thank you for all of your replies, I was (happily) surprised that my thread generated so much feedback. Now, where do I start! There are so many good opinions and stories here, that I feel that I should acknowledge each of them.
Anna – I’ve heard of that ‘invisible line’ before, and I believe that you’re right.
Suki44883 – I suppose that it was a little naïve of me to come to a forum such as this and expect people to tell me “sure, go ahead, dive back in, sounds like you’ll be fine!”. I made the thread on a Friday night where I was, once again, sitting home alone without too much to do.
I do take part in other activities that do not involve alcohol, but I guess it’s just those fond memories I have of many years ago of being out a bar with friends, and having a bit of a buzz, and having lots of laughs, just like ‘old times’. I think part of it is me wanting to recapture a bit of the good times of my youth, and hoping that was still possible.
But I certainly realize that I can find other ways to accomplish that besides drinking, and you’re right, it is a bad idea overall.
Sugah – I also tried to control my drinking with weed, and to be honest, I think that weed actually helped me a little bit from drinking more than I did. I would start drinking, and then throughout the course of the night I would smoke a few, and that really seemed to “dull me down”, for lack of a better phrase. If it wasn’t for that, I would probably have drank a lot more, because the weed always slowed my drinking right down.
MeAndOnlyMe – I think that I will try to go out occasionally and just have a bottle of water in my hand rather than a drink. I do other things that are social and not alcohol related, but this was just something that I have thought about off and on for the last year, and was interested in some feedback from others who were in a similar situation.
Nocoincidence56 – Thank you, and I know what you mean about how my thoughts can hint at not having fully accepted the fact that I can’t drink. It’s been long enough now that I’m not really experiencing any ‘cravings’ or anything like that, but I’d be lying if I said that part of me wouldn’t like to be back at the bars “like the old days”. But after reading these replies I know that is not a reality for me anymore.
GeeQ – I know what you mean, if I did do it, sure, I may be the happy ‘social’ person while I was out and drinking, but I agree that once I came home I’d be the same sad person who realizes he has a problem, and that would far outweigh any short-term ‘fun’ that I might have while I was out.
Dee74 – Yeah, that’s how it was for me too, eventually I forgot about going out, and turned it into a solo party. It’s the same with me, these last 2 ½ years have been great, and I think that’s what has somewhat given me a false sense of confidence that I may be able to handle it again.
24hrsAday – I had a couple of periods where I briefly stopped too, and sure enough, it didn’t take long before things went right back to how it was before. I had all the best intentions, but I found myself right back where I started from again.
Yeahgr8 – I agree that doing this would most likely take me down a path that I would seriously regret. Like I said in my reply to someone else, I think it’s the false sense of confidence I’ve got from being sober for a few years that sometimes makes me think that “I beat it”, and could give it another go.
But I’d be more than happy to answer any questions regarding my drinking or how/why I stopped and what I did.
CaptainZing2000 – You’re right, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that either!
Barb dwyer – Sometimes a simple and straight to the point answer is quite effective! Thanks!
Hevyn – I know what you mean, I struggled with it for about 3 years until I finally “gave up” and decided that I had to quit for good. I wanted so much to keep it under control, but each time I cut back, or changed routine somehow, it inevitably led me back to where I started.
Boleo – I believe that you’re right, it is progressive, and no amount of time changes that once you’ve crossed that invisible line that was brought up earlier.
Spawn – I agree, and I think that the lid will remain closed!
North – Thanks, and I know all about those ‘controlled drinking experiments’. I tried a lot of them in the last couple of years in a desperate struggle to try to get my drinking back under control. And the end result, of course, was that they all failed. And I agree, the odds would be severely stacked against me, and you’re exactly right, the penalty for being wrong is awfully steep.
Sailorjohn – Thanks for the welcome.
Soap – You’re right, our stories do sound very similar. And I used to have all kinds of “rules” like you described too, and none of them worked for any length of time for me either. After some time, it was all too apparent what had to be done. I really hope you stick around the forums, or take other steps that you need to put the bottle down. It sounds like by just coming here and telling me what you did that you’ve put one foot forward in the right direction. Keep it up, because there is light at the end of the tunnel!
Coming clean – I hear you, I have a fairly addictive personality too, and I’m really coming to terms with that now more than ever.
Slag – I agree, I can take my questioning as an indication that even though its been a few years, there is still an addiction hiding just beneath the surface. But it’s been very helpful to read all these replies to assist me in realizing it.
Fubarcdn – I agree completely, at this point there is far too much to lose by trying it, and very little to gain by comparison.
HumbleBee – I agree that even thinking about it indicates that there still is an addiction there, but I wouldn’t consider myself as already lost control until the time I physically picked up the bottle and taken a sip. This is just something that I’ve pondered over the last year and wondered whether it’s possible for an alcoholic to ever return to ‘normal’ drinking. But I’m certainly glad that I came here, and all of these replies have been very helpful.
Least – I too tried to moderate my drinking several times with little ‘rules’ etc and it always led back to the same thing. But I remember just how horrible it was during the worst times, and just thinking back about that now makes me almost shudder – I really don’t want to have to deal with that again. Even though my life isn’t a bed of roses right now, but it is leaps and bounds better overall than it used to be.
Again, I want to thank everyone for all of their replies, it’s been a big help and also an eye opener for me to hear what you guys have to say. Like I said before, if anyone had any questions or any more comments, I’d love to hear them, and I’m sure I’ll stick around the forums, even though I’ve always been more of a reader/lurker when it comes to online forums.