I tried many times to moderate my drinking. It never worked. I was always back to drinking too much and always felt much worse after each 'moderation attempt', and the withdrawals got much worse each time.
I too crossed that invisible line and there's no going back now. I don't want to go back, too much misery and danger in drinking. I've had my fill of misery and sickness and risk. I'm not going to 'test the waters' again.